The Horrors, The Horrors

So earlier today, I was out and about hawking some Celebrate Life magnets and gathering up some stuff I will need this weekend when I head over to the high faluting Fall Arts Festival in Deland and set up shop for the weekend.

I have been searching for an old school folding table, you know, the card table Granny used to set up when her Pinocle playing lady friends used to come over for that marathon card fest.

Anyway, I guess that those old tables are not a big sentimental item as I have been unable to find one anywhere in any of the used, recycled furniture stores over on Crack Alley, affectionately known as US 1 down in Holly Hill, just south of the Taj Mahal but, thankfully, over on the Mainland, with the Halifax river acting as a buffer between them and I.

Hey, I haven't digressed in awhile, okay.

So, here it is the day before I have to head over to Deland and my boss, thejeepjunkie, the head of this whole operation designed to keep me out of the poorhouse, is breathing down my neck wondering if I have found this damn table yet.

As I am out of locations to look for a cool old retro table, I do the only action left at my disposal.

Yeah, you guessed it.

I headed to Walmart.

Now even though I have applied for a job there and have not heard back from them, unlike Sears, I figured I would give them the opportunity to satisfy my fiscal expense needs rather than my fiscal income needs.

On the way over, I remembered the post the Complaint Department Manager did earlier with reference to things we could do now that the election is over. If you are unfamiliar with his recommendations, please review them here.

That's right Counters. Walmart Bingo.

Now if you, in fact, have been Counting along with me, you will remember the first time I attempted to follow CDM's advice and this was the result. Yeah this is it.

Scared the cr** out of me and I vowed never to return again.

Well, circumstances intervened (read Ed told me to get my sh** together and find a table). I mean try to find an old school fold up card table without going to Wallyworld. I mean it! Not at Family Dollar, Target--hell it's is on the other side of town--actually three towns--not Big Lots, not Ace Hardware, not any used furniture shop within the tri city area---Wallyworld was it.

So with a strong sense of foreboding, I headed out to Wallyworld.

The entire drive out there I was thinking about how much I dreaded it until I remembered the CDM's recommendations and I immediately cheered up. I mean it couldn't be any worse than the last time, right?

Well, I must say that I spent most of that trip trying to remember what was on those Bingo cards so I could mark them off later. You see I don't hit Wallyworld that often so I allow myself several trips to complete the sightings on them.

Now the Wallyworld over near I-95 has only one entrance to it, two exits, but only one entrance. To let you know how popular this Wallyworld is, it took three stoplight cycles for me to get in. As we all know, parking up near that BigBox is a nightmare, which is why I always park out in the boondocks and walk in. Plus the sight-seeing is so much better. I mean, when you pull into the first row of parking and someone is just walking up to their car with three shopping carts full of bags, please don't stop and wait for them to unload, just so you can be 15 spaces from the BigBox. After all, everyone else behind you is waiting for the same thing!

Again, I digress...Back to Walmart Bingo.

Boxes I get to check with that big ink stamp CDM gave me at the door:

1. Obese person on a scooter: If I saw two do I get to fill in the free space?

2. Rebel Flag T-Shirt: What is my bonus if it was on a 60's something woman who I thought, at first glance, was pregnant?

3. White Girl with three multi-racial children: Actually, she only had two kids, but she was pregnant. Does that count?

4. Bearded Woman: Yes-actually two--but one of them was driving a scooter as referenced in #1. Don't try to take that free space away!

5. Unattended crying children: I heard them and chose not to go look. Can I still count them? If not, next time you will see pictures.

6. Man with a mullet: No, but I did see two women with that hair style.

7. Person in camo jacket: Well, it is cold here (58 degrees) and I saw three. All of indeterminable sex.

8. Woman with a mullet: Not one, but two, see #6, and they were together and both of them looked like they could kick my ass.

9. Everyday Low Prices: Not once. It appears the new slogan at Wallyworld is "Unbeatable Prices".

Well, after all of this fun, I did find that old school folding table, gathered up and headed toward the fun area of "check out".

However, fate was to intervene once again. This time, this is what I saw

Maybe I'll drop by Wallyworld tomorrow to play Wallyworld Bingo again.