One Hundred Fifty Bucks A Mile

In my last blog post this olelongrooffan explained how a couple days spent with Manuel Labor netted me a pre rusted 92 Toyota Corolla from my neighbor, Bert.

Well, I was internally debating whether to replace that broken CV axle prior to putting this olerustbucket up on Craigslist. Last evening at Happy Hour this olelongrooffan proposed that very same question to thejeepjunkie, TheGoodAttorney and theracedude. It was unanimous to replace it. I asked thejeepjunkie if he thought this olelongrooffan could perform that repair at his shop. Yeah, he commented, I got some building maintenance you can do in exchange for bay rental time.

Hot D*mn. Anyone who has done under car work knows it is a h*ll of a lot easier on a lift.

So last evening, around 6:30, this olelongrooffan logged onto Craigslist via Firefox (just so you know, when you are one the real Craigslist, there is a Peace Symbol in the URL, if you, well at least it happens to me, when I log on through IE it is not a secure site, just saying) anyway, logged on and put up a listing for Bert's Car with a sales price of $750.

This is the content of that ad:

Up for sale is Bert's 1992 Toyota Corolla. I received this car as payment for a bath remodel job for my 88 year old neighbor. He bought it new and has been the only driver of it. It has 188,000 miles, near new brakes, near new tires, a timing belt and water pump was installed less than 30,000 miles ago. It is rusty, has manual windows and an automatic transmission. A new driver's side CV axle will be installed prior to sale. Not pretty to look at but good dependable transportation. The oil stains on the concrete in the images are from my black convertible. This car has no leaks. I have priced it at about what the remodel job was worth and I think it is a fair price. This car runs strong, was babied its entire life and whatever needed repairing was repaired. Give me a call to set up a look/see time. Cash on the barrel. John 386-868-xxxx.

Within two hours, the massive communications system in the Taj Mahal lights up and it is a sweet young lady inquiring about Bert's car. The absolute first thing out of my mouth was that Bert's car was thoroughly rusted out. She said that she understood but was interested in seeing the car anyway.

I asked where she lived and she was located just across International Speedway Boulevard from the Daytona International Speedway. I told her to meet me at thejeepjunkie's shop around 11 am on Saturday and she could check it out.

She agreed and all was well.

So this beautiful Saturday morning down here in The Birthplace of Speed, this olelongrooffan loads a mess of tools and supplies into Bert's car and head down to thejeepjunkie's shop to get done whatever he needed done in exchange for that free bay rental.
After I had finished loading some stuff in the backseat, I shut the door and parts of rusted metal dropped to the parking lot below!

When we picked that car up on Wednesday evening, thejeepjunkie had driven it back to Taj Mahal. So this morning was the first time this olelongrooffan drove Bert's car. And that knock-knock-knock happened during the entire 4 mile trip to that shop.

I arrived and commenced to getting my share of that free bay rental portion of the transaction completed.

Meanwhile, today, thejeepjunkie was handling the sales portion of the shop while his boss, Mr. Happy, was handling the service end of operations.

Mr. Happy and this olelongrooffan get along pretty well and he always gives me a ration for wearing oxford shirts. But I don't mind. If he didn't like me he wouldn't give me that ration.

So anyway, thejeepjunkie has this olelongrooffan pull Bert's car into the esteemed place of honor which is Bay One, directly in front of the service desk, today occupied by Mr. Happy. We get it lifted in the air and I remove the driver's side front tire to inspect what there is to be seen.

I then head over to TomP's (RIP) tool box that is now thejeepjunkie's and gather up what is needed for wrenching on Bert's car. When I returned to that broken CV axle bearing machine, Mr. Happy steps around that service desk and observes this olelongrooffan in action.

After watching me for a few minutes, he grabbed the tools from my hands and had that CV axle out in two shakes of a bunny's tail. And it was put together in almost as quickly a fashion. I commented thanks a bunch Steve. His response was that this olelongrooffan had hung those paper towel holders in his bathrooms in about the same time so all was even!

So, I put that front tire back on and dropped Bert's car to the ground.

I then headed up front to that water cooler to get a cold cup of water. On the way across that showroom, a young lady walked in and asked for thejeepjunkie, as I had told her to do. I asked if she was Mary and she replied in the affirmative. Come on back.

So we went out to Bay One, this olelongrooffan showed her the car and handed her the key to take it out for a spin.

When she returned, I noticed that knock-knock-knock was still present. I asked her if it had done that the whole time. Again, her response was in the affirmative.

Hey JeepJunkie!

He comes over, assesses the situation and drags that olerustbucket back into Bay One and lifts it up. He and thePatdude rotate a couple tires, same problem. thePatdude then gets under Bert's car with a flashlight and it is determined the wheel is rubbing on the brake caliper.

thejeepjunkie pulls that wheel off, instructs thePatdude to get him the biggest hammer from Tom's tool box and, after receiving said hammer, commenced to beating on that wheel with all his might.

It seems one of the welds on that wheel had rusted and that is what was causing that knock-knock-knock the whole time.

Meanwhile this olelongrooffan headed out to tell Sweet Mary what was up. I asked her why she was interested in Bert's car. Well, the timing belt went out of my 91 Escort wagon and screwed up the valves and it is out of commission. The history of this car is excellent and it feels as if it has good karma!

thejeepjunkie has now reattached that wheel and backs Bert's car out of Bay One. Mary gets in and takes it for another test drive.

Meanwhile, thejeepjunkie is all apologies for the misdiagnosis. I tell him that the CV axle was broken and all is good.

She returns a short time later and it was relayed that all is well.

Mary, you want this car?

Yes.

What are you willing to pay for it.

Would you take $600.

Sold.

And she heads to that bank next door, returns and gives this olelongrooffan a handful of Jacksons, give me a firm handshake and a thumbs up and
heads to points west.

Yeah, that's the explanation of the title for this post for you Counters. I had driven Bert's car 4 miles and sold it for 600 bucks. One Hundred Fifty Bucks A Mile.

And that let's this olelongrooffan really

Celebrate Life.


Wait, you Counters think that's it?

H*ll it's not even time for a Japanese dental appointment, yeah, you know 2:30.

thejeepjunkie gives this olelongrooffan a ride, in his new ride, back to the Taj Mahal and unloaded all my tools from the bed of his new ride into the bed of my new ride. He grabs a cold pop and heads home to paint a couple sides of the outside of thesungoddess's abode.

Meanwhile, this olelongrooffan secures a whole bunch of those Jackson's while retaining a few and head out to compensate some wireless companies for yet another month.

Since my wireless internet provider is out there beyond the Daytona International Speedway, this olelongrooffan decided to stop in and check out the progress of the repaving of the track.
Today, it was pretty cool as they were working on the installation of pavement on Turn 4, almost directly in front of the Oldfield Tower which provides free observation of the work being performed.
Not alot of commentary here except to note this machinery is huge. The tires on that crane down there on the entrance to pit road are nearly six feet tall!
And that tracked machine is driving on the road this olelongrooffan saw being constructed here. That arm off the side of it is supporting the actual paving machine on those 33 degree banks.
In the image above, they are disconnecting that dozer from the paver and the paver, at a glacial pace, followed the crane below around to turn 3.
It was about this time this olelongrooffan decided to head back to the Taj Mahal, grill up a brat and Celebrate Life.

Unfortunately, before I was able to do that, I spotted today's version of a Biker Babe out on A1A.
But all was well, that vision was washed from my eyes as I spotted my neighbor flying this around the neighborhood. (Language in that link is NSFW.)
Now that really allowed this olelongrooffan to

Celebrate Life.

I Nominate This For Best Of Craigslist

1997 Jeep Wrangler - Hellcat - $5500 (Wilmington)


I should start by saying that if you are looking for a “Pajama party Barbie Jeep” you my friend, should keep looking. If you are looking for a short description of to the beast before you, I can offer you two words “MEAT & POTATOES”. This is the All American chariot of the free world.

I won rights to find this Jeep from Indiana Jones, Chuck Norris, and Bear Grylls in a poker game in Monte Carlo. I went all in with my life as collateral and won a map to the prized treasure on a bluff. The map lead me across all 7 continents until I found it’s hiding place, a giant mine shaft 5 miles north of Hell itself. Armed with a pick ax and six pack of beer I dug this jeep out of the darkness, it was buried under 70 tons of granite. When Satan tried to stop me, I dropped the hammer in my new beast, ran his red ass over, stole his girl, and floored it all the way back up. He was up he was no match for the furry under this hood.

I quickly realized at this point I wasn’t dealing with any ordinary Jeep. This thing was forged from a single block of all American Tungsten Steel. Real sturdy! From that day forward my life has never been the same.

So if you are looking for a rice burning hatch back, a solar powered liberal mobile, or even a Hyundai crossover keep on looking my friend this thing is a piece of red white and blue Americana Machinery.

This baby’s pulse is pumping 4 liters of uncensored raw fuel through her straight six nuclear power plant. And rest assured this is no metro feminine automatic…you command her to obey, with your calloused hand planted firmly on the t bar Hurst shifter. And she will obey, the first time, every time. If you can’t handle your stick shifter, or reach the clutch pedal, you better not fairy skip over here wanting to test drive her. If you stall her out, you can count on getting hit in the face with a piece of re-bar and sent back to Chapel Hill where you came from.

If you’re a man who needs such worldly things as air conditioning, Move on, you do not possess the Jedi Force. Read no further. If you want to blow the sweat off your brow, you do the old fashioned way: doors off, top down. “What if it rains?”…You winey bitch! I told you to stop reading… Any man who drives this beast doesn’t give a shit about rain. Not even skin melting acid rain, Cause he’s already dripping wet in blood, sweat, dip spit, and fish guts.

If you are looking for the kind of jeep that has to be pansy parked in the garage, so the “carpet doesn’t get wet and soggy” Then you should plant your Obama sticker on some Japanese piece of shit. Cause this thing has drain holes in the floor to let the blood drain out from buffalo you just killed, with your bare hands. Because you are William Wallace from Braveheart and when you get home you can leave your “sissy sponge glove car wash kit” in the pink bucket it came in. Go ahead and spark up your 6000 psi heated pressure washer on the dually trailer in your man cave, cause you are Tim Gillespie and you can pressure wash your truck on the inside. She’s got vinyl saddles with a full roll cage in case that buffalo comes back to life while you’re doing 80 over some mountain pass or flooded river.

If you’re thinking about Mexican chrome bumpers for her, think again. The bumper bashers come hand forged in a blacksmith shop in Franklin County over a wood burnin fire, out of 4 inch well casing, and railroad tracks and then I welded em to the damn chassis. That way if you get deployed you can piggy back this war wagon on a deuce and a half and chain her down tight from the four corners, so you don’t lose her when your convoy gets hit by a talibani roadside suicide bomber.

And forget about putting one of those “It’s a Jeep Thing…You wouldn’t understand” stickers on this machine cause when you’re spotted in this American Classic there will be no questions, no further explanation required, people will understand and get out of your way…..real quick.

If you think you’re ready to park this panty hauler on your tract of land. If you buy this jeep you better go get your old lady ready for some damn changes around your lair, cause this shit will be happening. Happening.

1. More chest hair.
2. You’re growing a beard.
3. Meat Only Diet.
4. T-Rex for a pet.
5. You’re taking a job at the lumber mill.
6. Your car carries five kegs.
7. Penis enlargement.
8. Catch more fish.
9. Wire bristled toothbrush.
10. Sex in the yard.
11. Sex in the garage.
12. All male offspring.
13. Chiseled jaw line.
14. Not giving a damn.
15. Flesh turning to steel.
16. Higher salary
17. Promotions.
18. Better looking wives.
19. Better looking mistresses.
20. More golfing
21. More killing stuff.
22. More dead animals in the KITCHEN freezer.
23. More tools in your garage.
24. Bigger TV
25. Wife takes out the trash
26. Four Wheel Drive
27. Wife brings trash can in from road.
28. Wife stops bitching about clothes on floor.
29. Wife stocks fridge with beer.
30. Chuck Norris.
31. John McCain
32. Steaks for dinner.
33. Winning the Lottery.
34. Bitches on the side.
35. Wrestling with bears.
36. Building shit out of stone.
37. Riding Lawn Mower.
38. Bon Fires in cul-de-sac.
39. Bar Fights.
40. Wife picks you up from Thee Gentlemen’s Club.
41. Craftsman Tools.
42. Jay Bisset.
43. Welding stuff.
44. Digging holes.
45. Huge Piece of meat.

Put your GPS back in your purse cause this thing has compass bolted to the dash.

Sounds good doesn’t it?

This jeep has carried me through 117,000 miles of battlefield twice as gruesome as the second half of the movie “300”….And just like a trusty steed this juggernaut has never left me stranded. If you think you’ve worn her out you drag this bitch back to me in any condition. And Ill handle the rest.

But if you think you’re going to get to whip this mule you better pony up Fifty Five Hundred Dollars…American Cash. I’m not selling you this car unless you are clearly a pure blooded American Species, so don’t even think about it.

Americans Only.
No Checks.
No Euros
No Northerners.
No Red Hair.
No Low-Ballers.
No one from Chapel Hill.