Dang, I Am Getting Old!

Your sweetie says, "Let's go upstairs and make whoopee" and you answer "Pick one, I can't do both!"

You enjoy watching the washer and dryer in action.

You stop lying about your age and you start bragging about it.

Your friends compliment you on your alligator shoes, but you're barefoot.

You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.

You're cautioned to "slow down" - not by the police but by your doctor!

You are getting a little action today - but that means the fiber is working.

You think "getting lucky" means you find your car in the parking lot.

You think an "all-nighter" is not having to get up to pee.

A sexy woman walks by and your pacemaker opens the garage door.

You're the life of the party, even if it lasts until 8 PM.

You're smiling all the time because you can't hear a thing anyone is saying.

You're very good at telling stories over and over and over and over.

You're aware that other people's grandchildren are not as cute as yours.

You're very good at opening childproof caps (with a hammer).

You're not grouchy; you just don't like traffic, waiting, crowds, and politicians.

You're wrinkled, saggy, lumpy, and that's just your left leg.

You're having trouble remembering simple words like...

You're a walking storeroom of facts - you've just lost the key to the storeroom door.

Everything either dries up or leaks.

You realize that aging is not for wimps.

You enjoy watching the news.

The phone rings and you hope it's not for you.

The only reason you're still awake at 4 am is indigestion.

People ask what color your hair USED to be.

You're proud of your lawn mower.

Your best friend is dating someone half their age AND isn't breaking any laws.

You start singing along with the elevator music.

You really do want a new washing machine for your birthday.

Your car has four doors.

You routinely check the oil in your car.

You've owned clothes so long that they've gone back into style - TWICE.

You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

You consider coffee one of the most important things in life.

8 AM is your idea of "sleeping in".

You don't remember when you got that mole or the one next to it.

You write thank you notes without being told.

Neighbors borrow your tools.

You answer a question with, "Because I said so!"

Others ask for your recipes.

You start Christmas shopping in August.

You paint your apartment walls for a reason other than getting your deposit back.

You don't like to drive after dark.

You say the words, "Turn that music down!"

You wear black socks with sandals.

You can live without sex but not without your glasses.

You point out what buildings used to be where.

You know all the warning signs of a heart attack.

You rake the yard without being told to.

You can't remember the last time you laid on the floor to watch television.

thanks to morefunnystuff